i was chasing kites

26th November, 2017

much easier than manifesting them. even just writing that sentence feels like a wake up call. not to say that i haven’t been driven and everything, it was just this thought somewhere in the back of my mind that somehow "everything would just work itself out”.

waiting for that moment is a pain in the arse. and at least for me, it ironically doesn’t work (itself out). and in the past year it’s hit me how ingrained this thought has been in me - it’s kinda hard to admit it. while it was definitely a frypan-to-the-head-type-lesson, uncovering the layers of this thought in all the parts of my life has been a much slower process. even while typing this out now, i’m questioning if i’ve done it enough.

i think we’ve heralded the cinderella stories for so long. things like effort seem so damn uncool whilst floating along with birds singing back to us is so oft deemed as the ideal way to live. the weird thing is, it’s not that i’ve idolised the latter path but that i did so much out of hope, rather than out of grit.  and wishing and trusting are two very different things. one takes very little effort, the other takes the wheel. 

my dad once said to me that the wildly successful ones are “lucky” and while i vehemently disagreed at the time, i must’ve swallowed that pill without realising. somehow, this is the additive many of us take unknowingly, including my sweet papa. but i’ll take the red pill now, thanks Morpheus. i’ll stop jumping and chasing kites now and build my own. and run.

love, maia